My husband masturbates to porn videos for 20 hours a day.
I think he values sex more than he values me. What can I do?
Two years ago I discovered my husband was masturbating to porn videos up to 20 hours a day. Now I can't enjoy sex with him. He said we didn't have enough sex and that's why he had to masturbate. I said he was a lousy lover and I haven't had an orgasm in years. I shouldn't have said it, but I see him valuing sex more than his relationship with me.
This Pamela bird says THIS:
You are both using sex as a weapon, and it is making things extremely painful. Try to avoid blame and instead pay attention to some serious issues that must be addressed immediately. Sit down and discuss them in a non- spiteful, non-judgmental manner. It is OK to express anger and frustration, but use "I" statements to tell him your exact feelings and ask for specific changes – for example, "I feel very upset about what is happening and I really need us to discuss it calmly." It's no good threatening, belittling, or asking him to stop masturbating; his compulsive sexuality will not improve without professional attention. Put aside your disgust, be compassionate, and help him to feel safe enough to seek treatment.
I understand your fury, but you chose him for many good reasons. Try to reconnect with your earlier positive feelings to him, and work to engage him in a joint effort to improve your lives.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specializes in treating sexual disorders.
I hate to break it to you like this, Pam Baby, but you're a woman and there's NO WAY KNOWN you could possibly understand exactly what the fuck is going on here.
I, myself, on the other hand, am a member of the Male Species and on top of that I'm a PERVERT! Here's my insightful take on what's going on in this couple's marriage:
A) TWENTY HOURS ? ? ? Dude - you've got to GET A LIFE! I mean, you're lucky it hasn't fallen off by now. Just curious: are any of the rumors about hairy palms, or shortsightedness, coming true for you?
B) Wife Lady, I hate to break it to you like this, but no matter what condition you're in (young & hot, nicely matured MILF-type, hagged-out skag, WHATEVER); your husband has gone over the edge and he's never coming back. There is no cure for what ails him - your husband is a fully-fledged wanker.
The best you can hope to salvage anything out of this relationship is to follow the age-old formula: IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, JOIN 'EM.
Get involved:
WATCH PORN WITH YOUR HUSBAND. Let Husby kick back while you JERK HIM OFF. Invest in a dildo and MASTURBATE WITH HIM - there's actually a name for this theme it's called "Mutual Masturbation" and there's nothing wrong with it. This may very well be the only pathway to restoring ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING a sexual relationship into your marriage. Sooner or later the Magnificent Masturbator your husband has turned into will realize that there's a DRIPPING WET PUSSY sitting on the sofa right next to him, the light will go on in his head and he'll want to THROW A FUCK INTO YOU.
When that happens, email me and let me know how it turned out . . .
And don't thank me . . . it's a gift . . .
. . . . . . THE TOAD
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